There are so many reasons why relationships might not work out with your in-laws but on another level, there are so many reasons why you should put in the extra effort to make sure you have a healthy relationship with them. Life is too short to be hostile towards anyone and surround oneself with hostile relationships. Now I am not saying these tips will work for everyone- it definitely depends on the scenario of the situation but if things are awkward or there has been some conflict in the past, these tips you are about to learn, should help you overcome any past discrepancies. More info to come throughout this blog and you will be amazed just how easy it is to reconcile a relationship you didn’t think had the potential.
Before I release the information on how to build a healthier relationship with your in-laws- it’s important to note that in doing so it’s crucial that you do not blame your partner for his parents’ actions. Remember you do not want to blame or humiliate your partner for their parents doing something that was completely out of their control. You are trying to make relationships better not create more tension and let things get worse.
Let’s face it our in-laws become our ‘parents’ but they are not the parents you had growing up and are not blood parents. You cannot expect them to do or agree with what you do. It’s hard not to compare your in-laws with your own parents but it’s important that you do not do this! Do not keep unreasonable expectations on what you want you in-laws to be like or you could end up very disappointed.
Now let’s find out how to build a better relationship. My first tip is time. It’s important to spend the right amount of time with your in-laws. Of course your spouse’s parents will be upset if they never get to see their kids, and this could be a big reason why there is tension in your relationship. Maybe they feel like you have taken their son or daughter away and they hold a grudge on you for doing so. Make sure you are visiting your in-laws as much as possible to make them feel like family and it’s important to keep them up to date with what is going on in your lives. It wouldn’t hurt to give them some responsibility if they would like. For example: let them look after your kids if this applies to you or even your dog for a weekend. If you live close by it wouldn’t hurt to call them and see if they wanted to come over for dinner and a movie every so often. Putting in the effort is all it takes to keep a healthy relationship. Just think if someone was to take away your parents and you hardly ever got to see them- how would you feel about that? It goes both ways.
When speaking about spending time with your in-laws, I get it that you can spend too much time together and that might create tension depending on the relationship. You will want to find the perfect amount of time to spend with them. Whether it is once a week going out for dinner or for the weekend. That’s something that you will have to figure out on your own.
Another tip is to make sure you are always being respectful and you take responsibility for your actions- especially if you have kids around. Remember, your kids are watching you and will pick up on the things you do and say. So making a positive influence is crucial in the development of your child’s life. Also, some people never forget. So make sure you know what you are talking about if you are disagreeing with your in-laws because chances are if you don’t say the right thing, they might hold it against you.
Show some interest in what you in-laws like to do in their spare time. Yes, it might not be your favorite thing to do but showing that you care and support what they do will be greatly appreciated. Sometimes you have to think of what other people enjoy and you have to realize that not everyone shares the same interest. If they enjoy going to the movies, maybe you should plan a movie night and go to the movie of their choice or maybe they like to support their local hockey team and go out and watch them play. By putting in the extra effort to do these types of activities with them will mean a lot. If you fell in love with their kid, I am sure you will be able to find a few similarities that you love them too!
My last and final tip is important to remember. Don’t build a relationship with your in-laws solely through your spouse. That means pick up the phone and give them a call every so often, don’t wait till they call your partner and then talk- be a little more independent. Also, take time if you know they are free and your schedule is free and invite them over for coffee or lunch when your partner is not around. You do not have to be around your spouse in order to see your in-laws. Take some initiative to do this and your relationship should turn into a healthy one. No in-laws want a son or daughter who takes no initiative to be a part of their family. They would rather see their child end up with someone who supports their families and can come together and be one. By repeating these steps over and over again, you will be on your way to building a stronger and healthier relationship with your in-laws. Don’t think it’s going to happen on its own. Put in the effort and you will be satisfied with the outcome and remember it is a two-way street so if they want to see their kids they will do the same!