“All You Need Is Love,” sang The Beatles. Yet, our quest for love doesn’t always unfold effortlessly. Romantic movies seduce us into believing that love materializes magically, while social media tempts us to compare our lives with seemingly perfect others who have it all. With most of us being unequipped with excellent relationship skills, pursuing a meaningful, lasting partnership becomes an intricate puzzle. Some embark on a journey of self-discovery, striving to understand themselves and their desires better. They take seemingly all the right steps, exercise patience, and focus on the process, yet the puzzle piece of a compatible partner remains conspicuously absent.
But what happens when patient anticipation transforms into a struggle?
A cliché response might be to “stay positive and believe.” While this holds true, it’s merely a facet of the multifaceted approach required during the search for a life companion. Is it truly that easy to “stay positive” when our actions have been relatively proactive? The concise answer is, it’s far from a walk in the park. The longer answer delves into factors like age, circumstances, resources, and more.
Consider a 35-year-old man ready to settle down and wanting to start a family. He attends social events, optimizes online dating, maintains his focus on his ultimate goal, and believes that sooner or later he will meet his match. But he is not in the same position as a woman of similar age.
She is also ready to settle, but her journey, however, is complicated by the biological clock that starts ticking pretty loud between her late 20s and mid-30s. I empathize because I’ve been there, distinctly recalling the desire to have a baby. Even when I lacked a stable partnership, my biological clock kept whispering, “Time to become a mother.” This divergence is one of the many “it depends” I mentioned earlier. Women and men age differently and have distinct emotional wiring, which influences their approaches to wait for a compatible partner.
This isn’t to belittle the struggles of eager men seeking a relationship; the struggle is real for both genders.
People who have been already in relationships, maybe have children, and now divorced, may not hold the same strong anticipation. Because they face a different challenge – learning to believe in love again, reentering the dating world, and getting themselves into the mindset that they still can and will find a new partner, who will be compatible for them at this particular phase of their life.
Returning to our clichéd advice, “just stay positive,” it’s unquestionably crucial. Our minds can be our best friends and worst enemies. Whatever thoughts you have replaying on a repeat, those are the ones that will materialize in your life. They shape your reality. If you continually doubt the likelihood of meeting the right person, you inevitably perpetuate that reality. Hence, nurturing positivity is a core task. To reinforce this mental framework, perseverance is key; continue the search with a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity or victimhood. All the attempted connections can bring a sense of disappointment, if we deem them unsuccessful. But it will take only one connection with the right person for all the other ones that did not end in a desired way, to make it all worthwhile. Abandoning the search, however, kills the prospect of such a connection altogether.
Dealing with the Struggle: Tangible and Intangible Approaches
The best way to deal with the struggle of waiting for a compatible partner is to employ both tangible and intangible approaches. The intangible domain entails your mindset—a silent orchestrator of tangible materialized outcomes. While invisible, the results it produces are real. Maintaining positivity is crucial, but there is another part of the approach: embracing your current “looking for the one” status, this is where the magic happens, actually where you make the magic happen by being ok with what it is now knowing and believing it will be different soon. Being hopeful is good, but being stressed and desperate is not, it can scare off your potential love connection. So, make peace with your current relationship status. Do your best to focus on the present without letting wishful thinking overpower the mindset.
The tangible realm involves a lifestyle tailored to your love life. To ease the wait for a compatible partner and improve the chances of success, you have to shift your focus on revamping your social life the way that it serves your love life. That means no passive waiting, a compatible partner will not be marching into your house like a knight on a white horse or slipping through a window, while you are binge-watching Netflix. You have to keep your eyes on the prize – long-lasting love connection. Stay hopeful and intentional. Before attending a social gathering or an event, ask yourself, “Does this contribute to my love life? Will I encounter potential partners here?” Such a proactive approach keeps you focused, steering you toward your goal.
Yet, patience remains essential. Put this wait to a good use. Cultivate new interests, explore hobbies, extend your network and have fun! Utilize this period for self-improvement, potentially seeking guidance from a coach for actionable and effective steps. Embrace the process and the result will come.
In the grand theater of love, patience and skill, combined with meaningful change, are your tickets to success. Choose an active wait, a period of transformation and growth. When the compatible person finally crosses your path, you’ll be equipped to build something extraordinary—a partnership of shared excitement, complementing one another rather than filling voids.
Author Bio: Irena is a certified dating and relationship coach, with extensive experience and education, committed to equip men with tools and techniques, to gain dating confidence, and establish fulfilling connections leading to lasting relationships. While there may not be a shortcut to rewarding relationships, she will provide you with the roadmap for you to get there.