It’s happened to the best of us. One day, we’re having a fun fling with someone we don’t know very well. The next, we caught feelings. Even people who are not looking for relationships can find themselves more than a little bit interested in taking a no-strings-attached style relationship to the next level.
Moving From Sexting to Serious
Let’s say you matched on Tinder, and you’re vibing. It’s not just that the sexts are hot; it’s that the person on the other end of the conversation really seems to get you. If you’re feeling strange about starting a relationship that began as sexting, don’t be. A lot of relationships start out this way. And research shows that transitioning from hookup to couple doesn’t diminish the quality of relationships—couples that started off as casually were just as happy as those who went the more traditional route.
Why Some Relationships Start with Sexting
Dating someone who you were only sexting with before actually makes sense. Perhaps sexual compatibility is one of the features of a relationship that is most important to you. If sexting with your partner established an excellent sexual connection, maybe you felt comfortable with the spark you had so that you could take the next step. When the sex is almost too good to be true, it’s easy to want to make your situation a bit more committed and permanent. Mutually mind-blowing sex doesn’t come around often, and when you have it, you want to keep it.
Sometimes, sexting conversations naturally divulge more about us than we think. Maybe if you were fantasizing together about having sex on the beach, you begin to talk about the places you both want to visit in the future. Or, if you are role-playing that you are pleasuring each other at work, it makes sense that you learn about your sexting partner’s place of business, their goals, and their problems at their job. Even when we try to keep sexting conversations only focused on sex, our personalities are always involved. Sexting conversations are often about much more than sex. They are often about connection.
When you’re dating casually, you might be seeing a few people. It’s difficult not to compare them, especially if one person stands out as the best. If you’re just sexting with random people from the Internet, it’s natural to try to weed out the people who only excite you a little and spend more time with the people who drive you wild.
Even those who have made their career as phone sex or sex chat hosts know that relationships can spring from sexting. This sex chat host talks about how she has built real relationships with clients that she met online.
Taking It Up a Notch
If you want to cultivate a romantic relationship on top of your sexting connection, there are a few tips to go about without making things awkward. First, it’s important not to get too nervous when you sext. Wanting a relationship raises the stakes, and so you might feel suddenly anxious about saying the wrong thing, when before you were carefree and confident. Keep your sexting as adventurous as ever if you can because you already know your partner is into it.
Next, see if your partner is interested in sexting more often. The more time you spend together—even if it’s virtual—the better you’ll get to know each other. Plus, you’ll have more chances to express your feelings when the time is right.
Lastly, don’t ignore your feelings. If you think there’s a chance your sexting partner is into you, too, fessing up to your crush is worth the risk of rejection. Just remember to take the rejection gracefully so that you can keep your sexting relationship intact.
Keeping Things Casual
If you’re in a sexting relationship that you want to keep casual, there are ways to avoid relationships, too. Keep your conversations focused on sex as much as you can. If you wander into other topics, refocus your chat onto sex. Repeat the fact that you love your sexting time together but you’re open to seeing other people. This strategy can help you both stay apprised of what’s happening—and what’s never going to happen. Finding people online to sext can help keep things casual, too, since you don’t run the risk of meeting them in real life.
