It’s common for couples to experience an array of emotions while trying to conceive. From enthusiasm to impatience, such strong feelings can lead you to feel stressed, which can put a strain on your relationship. As a couple, the balancing act is figuring out a way to sort through the issue without losing sight of each other.
Men and women tend to experience things differently, which may mean that your partner’s approach to pregnancy planning feels all wrong. Don’t let those Mars and Venus differences get you down. You may be picking out baby names while he is picking out his fantasy football team, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. Sit down and talk about your plan, perspective and needs. Once you both feel settled, control what you can â€” in other words, yourself. Then next time he’s tracking the stock market and you are tracking your ovulation calendar, you’ll be able to fall back on that conversation and realize he cares, just in a different way than you.
Help him understand you. If your emotions are high, express that hope, fear, excitement and worry with him. Though you should be open with each other, try not to be entirely dependent on him. Share what you feel and be specific about what you want from the conversation. Is it advice, support or just a listening ear? If you enter the conversation with some helpful guidelines, your spouse will be better able to give you what you need (instead of working overtime to do what he thinks you need).
Make sure you don’t always do all the talking. If your guy needs a place to vent, be that for him. Don’t discredit his feelings or thoughts if you feel they aren’t pliable or pertinent. Some guys don’t like discussing fertility because they think they should be able to get you pregnant without any help. Listen to your husband and make it clear (in word and action) that you care for him and your relationship and don’t think any setbacks to starting a family are his fault.
Know What You’re Dealing With
Often couples who are trying to conceive feel alone or lost. Seek support, talk to your doctor or join a group to find the information, friendship and comfort you need. Visit your doctor to bring light to any medical issues and help put your mind at ease. Make sure you understand your menstrual cycle; First Response has an ovulation calculator that can help you track your cycle and determine your most fertile days. Many times couples grow closer as they tackle the issue together. The more knowledge you have the less your mind will be able to wander into what-ifs, which can be detrimental to your self-esteem and relationship.
Live It Up
Don’t let TTC rule your life and be the only thing you do together anymore. Be spontaneous and adventurous while you can. When a baby comes, you won’t be able to stay out late or take spur-of-the-moment trips as easily as before. Plan a vacation or join a class and do something together you wouldn’t usually do.
Take a Break
Stop counting, put your temperature chart away and give yourself a break. Focus on other parts of your relationship and relax and enjoy each other’s company. When TTC, sex can sometimes feel like a chore and each partner can feel pressure to perform. Ease the tension by giving yourself a month or two off: play together, cook together, talk, laugh and be intimate just for fun. Your spouse needs to feel he is a person and not just an ends to a means. Take a break, focus on your relationship and you’ll remember why you fell in love and wanted to have a family in the first place.