You’ll find hundreds of articles online that tell you how important romance is for a relationship and how to rekindle it when it inevitably dies in your marriage. However, the question here is should you bother rekindling it in the first place or is the final death of romance reason enough to seek a divorce?
There is no easy answer to that as there is no easy answer to any relationship questions. This one, however, is even “murkier” than most because no one really knows what “romance” is. Wikipedia says that “romance” is “an emotional feeling of love”, and in this light, the death of it might constitute the death of a marriage.
However, the majority of people will agree that for them romance is more about gestures than anything. From this point of view, filing for a divorce if your spouse doesn’t give you flowers every weekend seems a tad excessive.
So, the first, and most important, thing you have to do is to define what romance means for you personally and then decide just how important it is. Again, you decide how important it is for you and go from there.
The next step is to discuss this matter with your spouse. They are sure to have their own definition of romance and place their own value on it.
Now, the question is whether your evaluations and definitions of “romance” match and whether you are willing to work on aligning them. If yes, good communication and some relationship counseling might be all you need to rekindle the romance and keep it alive. However, if your views on the matter are fundamentally different and either of you is unwilling to work on a compromise, divorce might be the best way to go.
Should You Get Divorced?
No two people are the same, so no one but you can answer this question. One thing is sure, however, and it’s that romance, or lack thereof, is but a symptom of a failing marriage. On itself, this issue can be resolved if the souses want to work on it. However, if it’s a sign of a deeper problem, there might be no other solution but to break off the relationship completely.
The signs that point that divorce is a better option include, but aren’t limited to:
- Abuse of any kind
- Partner pushing the blame onto you and being in denial of their own culpability
- No feeling of connection despite repeated attempts to rekindle your feelings
The good news is that the stigma of being a “divorcee” is disappearing in modern society. Even better news is that there are ways that simplify the process of legal divorce. For example, it used to be true that Florida was one of the worst states to get a divorce. However, today you can get an easy divorce in Florida, or any other state, as long as you are able to settle out of court and use an online service to help guide you through the legal steps. Admittedly, this won’t make that divorce in Florida or California, or New York much cheaper, and those states are some of the most expensive to get divorced in. However, if you part amicably, you’ll be able to avoid paying exorbitant lawyer’s fees even if you have children.
Therefore, there are no financial, legal, or even societal reasons for you not to choose the divorce if you feel you are trapped in a loveless marriage. This means that the only thing stopping you is you. And that might be because you aren’t sure that this is truly the best way to go.
Does this sound familiar?
If so, your focus should be on identifying the reasons why you feel this way and why you want the divorce in the first place. However, never forget that a marriage, or any romantic relationship for that matter, is a two-way road.
You should discuss all these issues with your partner and try to work through them together. This might be the deciding factor because if your spouse is unreceptive and doesn’t want to communicate, there will be nothing you can do. You cannot fix a relationship on your own because it always takes two to both build and ruin it.
As a last resort, try talking to a counselor. If nothing else, this can help you gain some clarity about your own feelings.