Mother and child – their love story

Pregnancy means the beginning of the journey for the human being. With the first cell that divides to give birth to a new human being, the miracle of life actually begins. Mother and child will share the same cells, a fact that will build a bond that no other can compare to. During pregnancy, the two beings will share not only cells but also food, emotions, and feelings.

The baby’s food is provided by the mother’s body and delivered through the umbilical cord. The child’s body receives it automatically, without any effort; the place he is in is built perfectly for him and will protect him from almost anything. The mother plays multiple roles: she provides food (and that is why it is important to eat properly), she provides the child’s environment, and health (and that is why she must take care of her own health), she provides protection (and that is why it is important not to expose herself to extreme actions, contact sports or other actions that can cause physical trauma) and, last but not least, ensure peace and affection (and therefore should, as much as possible, avoid scandals or traumatic situations that can cause emotional suffering). The relationship between mother and child begins to be built with the first cell that divides to give birth to new life.

Birth actually represents the beginning of the separation of the two beings. Food no longer comes automatically, the comfortable environment disappears, and the child’s contact with the world appears, which is not always as he wants it to be. Everything the child had before disappears. If until then the conditions for survival were ensured by the mother’s body, in an “automatic” way, without much effort on the part of the mother, now everything must be ensured, with great effort, by the mother. Care, protection, food, peace, and LOVE depend on the mother and her continuous and constant efforts.

The basic condition of the child’s survival is FEEDING, through the act of breastfeeding. The child is thus DEPENDENT on the existence and presence of the mother. After birth, the physical role of the umbilical cord is taken over by the mother’s breast. The contact between the child’s body and the mother’s body is mediated by the breast. If until then the food was received automatically, from now on the delivery of the food will depend on how well the mother FEELS and UNDERSTANDS the child’s signals. The role of body contact during pregnancy is taken over by the skin (contact between the mother’s body and the child’s body).

The relationship between the child and the mother has been studied in detail over time, from all points of view, the conclusion being always the same: this relationship will have an overwhelming role on the future development of the child, on all levels.

The breastfeeding position, the way the mother holds the child restores, as much as possible, the intrauterine relationship. That tight embrace symbolically represents the mother’s need to protect the child, to unconsciously restore the perfect environment that he knew before birth. The pleasure and joy that can be read on the face of the mother who holds her child to her chest (without necessarily nursing him), and the baby’s cooing in her arms proves more than any study the love relationship between the two. In other words, we understand that the mother does not only play the role of the one who feeds the child, so that it survives, but the role of protection, care, and LOVE. The mother provides not only physical food but also emotional food, and love.

The way in which the contact between mother and child occurs, the act of breastfeeding will forever link food to…affection. The child receives not only food but also hugs, protection, and love. Here is the key to compulsive eating (bulimia and anorexia), oral addictions, stress associated with excessive eating, etc. When we cannot receive the affection we want (and we don’t have it), we try to compensate with food (which we can have).

We understand from the above thatbreastfeeding actually represents a moment of deep intimacy between mother and child and between child and mother.Their love story is consumed with every sip. Like any act of intimacy, the breastfeeding person needs his time and peace so that the two receive what they need;it is their time, for them, and it would be preferable not to be interrupted so that the moment is not spoiled, altered by someone’s presence.The child receives not only food but also love.

The birth of the child implies the loss of the safe environment it had in the mother’s womb.The child’s relationship with the environment is also mediated by the mother, who takes responsibility for creating a development environment as safe as possible for the child. This involves responsible exposure to environmental factors: physical (temperature, pressure, noise), chemical (smoke, vapors), biological (microbes, bacteria), etc. Upon birth, the child’s protection (immunity) and self-regulation (body temperature) systems are minimal. They will be delivered by the mother through breast milk but also through daily care and protection in relation to the environment.In other words, especially in the first months of life, the child must be protected from the environment precisely because it is not prepared (“equipped”) for it. Exposure to environments laden with multiple dangers (loud noises, dust, microbes, bacteria – from crowded areas) brings risks for the child.

Due to the deep relationship between the two, the mother’s emotional state is unconsciously transmitted to the child; avoiding intense emotional states, of the mother or of the environment (family, outside) is essential for the child, as well as physical survival.

Emancipation of women and risks for children

Emancipation of women means gaining respect in society, and recognition of rights. This includes, among other things, the woman’s right to self-determination, and to manage herself, including her free time. In the modern age, the fact of giving birth to children no longer implies “keeping the mother at home” but her freedom to leave the house alone or with the child, to have a life that she can dispose of as she wants.

In other words, on the one hand, we have the needs of the child (newborn) and on the other hand the needs of the woman-mother. Each with its importance. Unfortunately, unpleasant and unhealthy situations arise, most of the time, from the difficulty of finding a balance in satisfying the needs of the two.

In this way, too many times we see newborn or very small children in unfavorable, unhealthy, or even risky environments: at the beach, in malls or shopping centers, on long journeys, and on trips to other countries. In other words, exposed to major health risks, through exposure to uncontrollable environmental factors, for which they have no protection whatsoever. It seems that in such situations the mother’s (parents’) needs were more important than the child’s…

Breastfeeding in public

As I wrote above, the first months of life (up to the age of one year) mean, on the one hand, the absolute dependence of the child on the mother, and on the other hand, the lack of solutions for the child’s protection and adaptation to the environment and the mother’s responsibility in this sense. The first months of life also mean the lack of any type of program or organization of the child’s life. The mother is also responsible for gradually establishing a program for the child. She is the one who will gradually have to teach the child to have a schedule of breastfeeding, sleep, walking, and care (bathing). That is the transmission of some limits, some measures that allow the gradual organization of the program, for the benefit of both, because, at the “shelter” of these limits, both needs of time spent together and time spent separately can be met.

Of course, establishing this program is a process that requires time and patience; it is also a process that… will fail many times because it is impossible to manage the needs of a child of only a few months. And the mother will wake up with the child crying, hungry for food or…for love, for attention.

The scandals and controversies related to breastfeeding in public are born from the erroneous understanding of what was written above.

Breastfeeding does not mean only the act of feeding the child; otherwise, it’s like defining a woman only as a carrier of milk.Breastfeeding represents a moment of maximum intimacy between the child and the mother, that deep connection in which the child receives not only food but also peace, calm, affection, and love.

The child receives his mother, he receives his safety and love, just for him. And the mother reunites with her child, from her, through her (and her breast), life from her life, body from her body.

Love requires intimacy, and intimacy requires isolation; she is selfish, she wants the other only for herself, without sharing him. He doesn’t want prying or prying eyes.

The world, the environment, the noise and everything else only spoil this moment, altering a deep relationship in which food is intertwined with love, and love tastes like milk. Don’t withdraw so that the world won’t see you, but so that YOUR child can see you. Don’t cover yourself because you’re ashamed, cover the world so it doesn’t spoil your moment of love.

When you carry the baby hanging from your breast while sipping your coffee in the mall or shopping, the love story has gone to hell.

Breastfeeding – how much is enough

As I wrote, at the beginning of life the child is dependent on maternal care and love. Breast milk is not only food, it is the very essence of life. It is well-proven that breast milk not only ensures the child’s survival but also provides him with everything necessary for his health and immunity. According to some authors, breastfeeding also represents an important money economy.

In general, the recommended breastfeeding period does not exceed two years. Research shows that after a year the quality of milk (the content of essential elements) decreases; it is not by chance that after the age of 6-8 months, the diversification of food appears, because natural milk can no longer substitute the needs of the developing child. After the age of 1-1.5 years, milk no longer provides the content of essential elements neither to the body nor to the immune system. This means that human physiology says that at the maximum of two years, breastfeeding no longer makes sense.

But breastfeeding also means that extremely strong emotional connection, in the shelter of which the child satisfies his need for love, attention, care, and safety. How do we know how much is enough?

Birth represents “the beginning of separation”. The dependence between the child and the mother, which takes place in parallel with breastfeeding, is natural and necessary as long as it benefits the child. The child grows up and, as we know, begins to distance himself from the mother, to walk, to move away from her, to experiment on his own. He learns to walk and he will no longer need to be held by the hand. He learns to use a spoon and eat by himself.Learn to distance yourself; he learns to become an autonomous, independent being, a process he will follow for years until he separates completely, towards a life of his own.

Prolonging breastfeeding creates a conflict between the needs of growth and development and remaining in the dependency stage. The advantages of the relationship with the mother conflict with internal needs. The child does not know what the limit is, or what the measure. Mom knows. She SHOULD know. When the mother’s emotional needs are great, she unconsciously chooses to prolong the child’s dependency relationship, keeping him (keeping) him in the initial stage, as a baby. The relationship actually becomes about her and her needs, and not about the child and his needs. She no longer breastfeeds for him but for herself… And she doesn’t think it’s inappropriate that a 4, 5 or even six-year-old child remains… an infant. In fact, unconsciously, he begins to deceive his child; to lie to him that their relationship will last forever, that her “breast” is available forever, regardless of whether he goes to school, has friends and…girlfriends. In this process, the mother forgets to teach the child the measure, the limit, the separation, which will become all the more painful. Although she argues with the child’s needs and joy to suck, it is actually about her need to keep him; refuses to cut the umbilical cord and let it grow. He confuses physical maturation (the fact that he sees him growing “without problems”) with emotional, and mental maturation, which is no longer happening. And he brags about it, obsessed with his own needs. It seems appropriate for a child who goes to school to remain…an infant.

Belly to the photographer. The exhibitionism of motherhood.

Somehow, in the modern era, the natural disappears. Many things are no longer by themselves; they must be reiterated and exaggerated. And motherhood is part of the “trend”. Exhibitionism makes an act of glory out of the pregnant woman’s body. Maternity must appear on covers or in magazines, on websites, and on social networks. The belly, the bigger, emphasizes the miracle. Are you breastfeeding and no one sees you? Have you given birth and don’t post pictures of your baby on social networks? Woe to you; you do not exist as a woman-mother. Not to mention the magazines that follow the pregnancy more like a personal doctor: how big the belly is, how she dresses, how much she has gained weight, how she dresses, why she dresses, where she came out, why she came out, when she gives birth, how she gives birth, what does it look like after birth, etc

To be an unconscious sign of a fear that is born? So much have we come to seek the virtual attention of the Internet that we HAVE to post everything? Since when did the (hidden) “private diary” become public?

You post a photo of your wife while she is breastfeeding on a social network. The indignation of some and the bewilderment of others upsets you and makes you angry. “How can you afford it? What a big mess” and adopt the text of the feminists who wear their bellies with exaggerated pride in theatrical gestures and who teach us lessons by breastfeeding in groups. But no one asked you: what exhibitionists need to make you show the world an intimate gesture? Since when does love have to be displayed on the internet to be recognized? Doesn’t this actually denote a great lack, a great fear? Do you love your child and wife less if you don’t show them to the world? What makes you show your love? Are you so scared of her that you unconsciously seek the validation of the world?

The woman who is truly proud of herself and the child she is carrying in her womb or nursing does not need to show off. She knows that she carries within herself a miracle that does not need proof. This is true power, which no longer needs demonstrations. He wears his miracle with elegance, decency, and moderation. She already shines, inside… She already knows that she is beautiful, but she wears her beauty modestly, she doesn’t need to show it off.

Plastic breasts

Baring the breast in public to breastfeed brought up the subject of sexualization of the breast to the point where it lost its original purpose. The Puritans and the easily excitable say that baring their breast in public is not recommended, and some voices even say that it should be completely prohibited. Puritans are the ones who want women to be covered from head to toe just because they are animals that fear their own erection. In their minds, women are to blame because they cannot tolerate arousal. On the other hand, feminists scold men for having “immodest” thoughts when they see a breastfeeding mother’s breast. They are the same feminists who increase the revenues of plastic surgery offices year after year and who demonstrate their greed for as many “CC” (cubic centimeters) as possible.

Yes, self-confidence increases with bra size. And no, the “neckline” was not invented by a man.

Discussion on such a topic leads to nothing anyway, because it misses the point. The breast, like many other things (or anatomical parts), is what we want to make of it. For the savages (?!?) of Africa, the breast is an anatomical part with the role of feeding the child; for the civilizations (?!?) of the rest of the world it is sin incarnate or the miracle of miracles because it gives both life and pleasure…