Eight Guidelines for Developing Type II Diabetes

Given that many Americans seem to want lifestyle-related diseases, I’d like to offer somehelpful hints to those of you interested in developing a healthy dose of diabetes. If youapply the following principles and are lucky enough to be genetically predisposed to thisdisease, then you may just get what you’ve been waiting for. There are worse ways to diethan from diabetes (if you don’t mind possible foot or leg amputation), so if you’relooking for an earlier than necessary exit from the pressures of life, then this article iswritten for you.

The key to developing Type II Diabetes is to screw up your metabolism and wear outyour insulin mechanism. To do this you need to keep a steady supply of insulin pumpinginto your system (so you can get used to it or, in other words, become insensitive to it).

There are many ways to do this and the process can be quite enjoyable!Follow these 8 steps and you are already on your way:

Step one: start your day of with some coffee. Coffee causes an increased effect ofglucagons and adrenaline (hormones) which cause your liver to release sugar into yourblood. Now your bloodstream is nice and full of sugar so anything else you eat with it islike overeating. A really neat trick is to load the coffee up with sugar and flavorings.

This will put your blood sugar level way over the top and guarantee a heightened bloodsugar level. Plus, you get to grow one of those nice muffin tops (thatís when the fataround your stomach and lower back oozes out over your pants like what a muffin doeswhile cooking). Apparently, this look is popular because I see a majority of the femaleteenagers showing it off nowadays.

Step two: Develop a dislike for water. You want to make sure you are poorly hydratedif you are going to get a decent case of diabetes. Of course, the coffee will help with thissince it acts as a diuretic (flushes water out of your system). So throw a cup in here andthere throughout the day and avoid water. You also want to make sure that your stomachacid is really thick and potent so it can quickly digest all the sugars. Water will dilute thestomach acids so definitely don’t drink any.

A low hydration level will also help with step five since it will drastically lower yourenergy level, strength, and motivation. Now I know this will be hard. Americans justlove to drink water with everything, but you must stay strong. If you do get thirsty andfeel like breaking down and having some water make sure to load it up with high fructosecorn syrup first! There are some great canned products out there that are pre-made andready to go for you. They call it soda. It is available everywhere including health foodstores. They even have “natural soda” for you health freaks.

Step three: Eat a diet rich in starches and grains; the kind that the food pyramidrecommends. These things break down into glucose (blood sugar) real fast and you cannow begin to really overload the insulin mechanism in the body. If you really want tomake sure to get diabetes, definitely make sure all the grains are really processed andrefined (fluffy soft bread, and cereal with cute little flakes or shapes). Same with thestarches. Get them French style and fried in trans-fats or thin with ridges. Sure, you canhave fruit, you do need antioxidants, but juice it and strain out the fiber (fiber will helpcontrol your blood sugar levels and since you need it to stay out of control to get diabetesyou must avoid it). Have the juice with a nice bowl of over processed grains (cereal).

Oranges taste real good juiced and will certainly guarantee a blood sugar overdose,especially with that coffee on board.

Step four: Avoid fat. Yes, I’m serious. If you want diabetes to avoid fat. Fat will slowdown how fast all those carbohydrates absorb into the bloodstream and you definitelydon’t want that to happen. Remember, we are trying to wear out the insulin mechanism.If sugar doesn’t rush into the blood fast enough, insulin won’t be released. If insulinisn’t released, you will never have a chance to build up your resistance to it.

We’ve got to make the body resistant to insulin to get diabetes so we’ve got to keep itpumping out of your pancreas. Yes, I understand this may be a new concept for you butfat (except for trans, hydrogenated, or rancid fats) is actually good for you. So stayaway from all fat except for trans, hydrogenated, or rancid. Those will actually help youget your diabetes.

Step five: Now this is important. Whatever you do, don’t exercise! I mean not evenonce a week. Exercise will immediately start reducing and regulating your blood sugarlevels. It will also make you more sensitive to insulin, which would slow down progresstoward your goal. I know this will be tough but you will just have to let that exerciseequipment you bought from that infomercial collect a little more dust out in the garage,and you will have to pay your gym membership but never actually go. There is probablysomething more important to do anyway.

Step six: Throw in a couple of sodas to treat yourself throughout the day. You can’tdrink any water, so what the heck will you quench your thirst with? This, as I mentionedabove, will help you feel like you drank some water because I know you just hate goingwithout it. There are a couple of great all natural sodas out there guaranteed to induceyour diabetes. Heck, make sure you always have some on hand for your children, too.

These are a great way to guarantee the results and spend some quality time with the kids.I hear there are some all sugar straws to sip soda with. Why not? You want your kids tolike you, right?

Step seven: Finish your day with a glass of wine or some other alcoholic beverage.You’ve had a hard stressful day developing diabetes and you deserve to relax. If youdon’t drink, then substitute with a bowl of non-fat ice cream or some popcorn (no butter).

Keep going until your stomach starts to stretch and then go directly to bed.

Step eight: Be patient. You won’t notice it happening inside you. And it may takeawhile. It may take years. But I promise if you keep up this routine for long enough youwill get Type II diabetes. There are some signs and symptoms that will indicate you’vebeen successful. These symptoms may be increased hunger or thirst, general feeling offatigue all day long, and even irritability. You know you’re really doing well if you haveblurred vision and irregular heart rhythms. You get some of that going oncongratulations, you are well on your way. Just keep doing what your doing and maybesomeday you’ll go cross-eyed, blind, or even get a foot chopped off. Heck, maybe two!

What fun!

Well, that’s it. You probably didn’t need me to explain this to you. In fact, the Americanpeople are so good at developing Type II diabetes now that even kids are doing it. It usedto take us 50 or 60 years to develop (actually, it used to be a rare, strange disease). Notany more. In fact, if you want your kids to have it, get them started on breakfast cereals,chips, soda, and video games – more great recipe for diabetes. In addition to diabetesthey’ll get to have bad grades and most likely enjoy a life of obesity (an added bonus).You do want to fit in with the soon-to-be-majority of Americans, don’t you?

If you have any questions, please ask below!