Dealing with death and grief can be an extremely emotional situation. It can bring up so many mixed feelings for all of those involved. Many people may not know how to handle all of these emotions and feelings, and most people will not know how to deal or behave around those who are experiencing all of these emotions. It can be a very uncomfortable position to be in, especially when you are unsure of what to say or what not to say. What can you say to someone who lost a loved one? It is a difficult question for us to answer. How can you truly offer your condolences and sympathies to those you love? Here are a few tips that may just help ease you through those tumultuous times.
- Don’t avoid the issue. Avoiding this issue may only drag out the inevitable. Just be upfront that you heard that their loved one has passed away. This will also let the other person know that you are willing to talk freely about their loved one, and they are free to say whatever they need to help them and you feel a little bit more relaxed with the death of their loved one. It is in everyone’s best interest to just go ahead and get it out in the open.
- Always be honest and sincere. Most people can sense your uneasiness to be open and honest in this difficult situation; however, when you are honest and sincere you make others feel at ease. It is also fine to tell them that you do not know what to say. Remember most of the time a simple sorry you have to go through this is enough. You could simply say:
- I am sorry to hear about your loss.
- I am sorry that you have to go through this.
- I would like for you to know how sorry I am that this had to happen to you.
- Be supportive. Do not be afraid to ask how they are doing or how they are holding up during this difficult time. They are going through a lot and some people will feel better talking about what they are going through. Remember not everyone is like this, so you should not try to push someone to open up and talk to you. If the person does seem receptive and wants to talk about their feelings, be a good listener and offer them help when and if they need it. Sometimes it is better just knowing someone is there.
When words are not enough
Some of us may find it difficult just standing by and not doing anything for someone who is grieving. We want to help them and do more. It may even feel wrong to you not to reach out and offer a helping hand. As long as it is okay with the person grieving, then go ahead and volunteer some of your time to help. You could help them clean the house, bring them a meal or cook. You could even look after their children if they need help. You could do some tasks around the yard or drive them to any appointments. Anything you could do to help them out would be much appreciated. While you cannot truly fix the loss of a loved one, you may find that you can lessen the blow just a little, which could be a huge weight lifted off their shoulders.
It can be a trying situation trying to find the right thing to say or the proper thing to do for someone dealing with the loss of a loved one. All you have to do is sincerely offer your sympathies and let them know how you feel for them. Some people may need more help and understanding than others, but if you are honest and upfront with them, most of the time they will let you know if they need more help or time to recover. Be a good listener and offer to help in any way that you can. Remember it is not truly the words that you say to someone dealing with grief, but the meaning and intentions of what you are saying that will stick with them throughout this most difficult time.
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